My husband and I have been married for 16 years and we have attended marriage counseling on several occasions. Some of those experiences were good, and some of them were bad.
While marriage counseling has been known to work for some, I have personally found it to be ineffective and a waste of time and money.
The effectiveness of marriage counseling depends on a lot of factors. The state of your relationship is the most important thing consider. Often times, people attempt marriage counseling as a last resort. By the time they begin counseling, one or both of them are ready to end the marriage. At this stage, the level of commitment necessary to get through marriage counseling is often missing altogether, or very limited.
Choosing the Right Marriage Counselor
The other factor that will affect your marriage counseling experience is the counselor’s expertise. Like any other profession, some counselors have degrees, but just aren’t good at what they do.
During one session with a marriage counselor, my husband and I literally argued for the whole session with little to no intervention from the counselor. I remember leaving the session thinking to myself – “we could have done this at home for free”.
A bad marriage counselor can actually make your marriage problems worse instead of better.
Always check online reviews before choosing a marriage counselor, many of them can be found on Google.
Can you Commit to Counseling?
Marriage counseling not only requires a time commitment, but also a monetary one.
The cost of a single marriage counseling session can range anywhere from $90 – $150 depending on your area. These sessions will last from 45 minutes to one hour.
Most marriage counselors seem to only work Monday – Friday from 9 to 6pm. You can sometimes find a counselor who works evenings or weekends, but this is rare.
Even if you and your spouse are emotionally committed to the process, you may find the time and financial commitment to be too much to bear.
Alternatives to Marriage Counseling
As I stated in the beginning of this article, I have found that marriage counseling does not work.
You do not need to pay someone to sit and listen to your problems for an hour. Here are some ways to work on your marriage without marriage counseling.
Talk to a trusted friend
Marriage counseling is essentially paying to have someone listen to your marriage problems. Very few times has a marriage counselor given me advice that I didn’t know already or couldn’t have learned from someone else.
You will often have marriage counselors tell you their personal stories. Why do you need to pay someone to do that? If you and your spouse have a MARRIED friend or family member willing to sit down with you, don’t be afraid to do so. Sometimes talking out your problems and realizing you are not alone is all it takes to jumpstart your marriage.
Go out on a date
Many marriage problems are caused by neglect. Rather than spending $100 or more for counseling sessions, why not have a date instead. If you can find an hour each week to visit a marriage counselor, you should be able to find an hour each week to dedicate to your spouse.
Have sex
Yes, I said that. When we become frustrated in our marriage, we often begin to put up walls and withdraw emotionally and physically. When we withdraw, we not only deny our partner the love and affection that they need, but we unknowingly deprive ourselves.
After being in withdrawal for so long, you begin to feel disconnected and bitter. Sex is a great way to reconnect emotionally and physically with your spouse. Obviously this won’t work if your marriage problems are deep, but it can be a starting point for a marriage that has lost its way.
Buy a self-help book
Where do you think marriage counselors get their information from? They learn from more experienced marriage counselors; many whom have written books. A good way to save money is to skip the therapist and go directly to the source.
