My husband and I have been married for 15 years. As a 21-year old bride, I felt that all I needed to do to keep my husband happy was stay fit, cook, clean, and be ready and willing to take care of his needs at the end of the day.
I assumed that if I fulfilled these roles, my husband would be happy and content. He would, in turn, shower me with all the love and affection I desired. Boy, was I wrong!
It took me 200 + arguments, ten years, two separations, and “a partridge in a pear tree” before I realized that my husband needed things from me that I had been too stubborn to provide.
My environment taught me to be strong and independent. Of course, I expected my black man to be just as strong, if not more so. However, I was not prepared to cater to the needs of my black man. It has taken me years to learn how.
Your Black Man Needs Understanding
Men, in general, have a tough time communicating and expressing their needs. As a result, your man may rarely let you know that he feels misunderstood. However, you must know that this is a need of every man – especially black men.
It is no secret that the world is challenging for most black men. They deal with a variety of social and emotional issues that often go unaddressed. Most men learn to avoid the appearance of “being weak” at all costs. As a result, your black man may often hide his emotions. He may express feelings of sadness or fear as anger instead.
Every man is different, so you must listen and take the time to understand YOUR black man. Talk to him and try to get to the root of his internal struggles.
A Black Man Needs to Feel Valued
Real-life isn’t like a Tyler Perry movie, where all the black characters have great jobs. The black male characters carry a strong sense of emotional and financial security, making them very confident and put together.
In the real world, black men are more likely to be less educated and paid less than most other races. According to statistics, more black women earn degrees than black men. While black women still earn less than black men on average, the wage gap between the two genders has narrowed over the years. As recently as 2019, it was only 10%.
What does all this mean, and why am I sharing statistics with you? Men have a natural desire to provide and protect. However, this may not be the case in many black households. In some cases, the women in black families are more educated and may make more money than the man.
This shift in dynamic means that your man may not “naturally” feel valued. If your black man doesn’t feel valuable you will have to take special care to ensure that he does.
Your Black Man Needs Respect
We have already discussed the issues that black men face in society. Respect is something that black men are always trying to gain. The last thing a black man wants is to come home to a woman who doesn’t respect him.
Now, I am not a passive woman. I would never encourage any woman to be a doormat or feel as though she is inferior to her man.
This doesn’t mean that you respect a man who is abusive or non-caring. This means that you respect your man for the things he does well. Even if that list is not as long as you would like it to be.
We have to learn to give respect even when we don’t feel it is deserved.
Conclusion
This article provides just a few of the important things your black man needs. As I stated, you must take the time to learn and understand YOUR black man. Doing this will result in a happier and healthier relationship.
