In modern times there exist many questions. Like grits with sugar or salt, Yankees or Mets. Besides the goodhearted nature of the previous questions, there lies some more serious ones with great implications. A man can travel decades before finding the answer to some of life’s queries. I once believed at a young age that many of the problems can be solved with one simple answer, patience.
A Father’s promise
On the day of your child’s birth, your mind and heart are on two different planets. I had no clue of the significance of the pounding in my chest. The fog that filled my thoughts created a vague sense of floating. The small hands cradled around mine, and the cooing for comfort followed the cries for understanding. The seconds crept by, and the moment still lingers in the back of my mind. What was the point of bringing this life to existence?
As I held my sons for the first time, the only thought I could muster was the future I’d love to offer. Born into poverty my only thought was to have my boys avoid the struggle of growing without. Solely focused on their financial future at times the concept of their character was an afterthought. My first son showed me the difference between babysitting and being a father, a truth I was totally unprepared for.
As he grew, so did my understanding. The financial future I sought found many speedbumps, so I quickly realized that there had to be a different strategy for providing him with a better future. As time progressed and his home was torn, so were my chances of instilling the foundations of what I believed to be manhood. As I separated from his mother, the quality of his character became a big part of the lessons I wanted to share.
A Father’s choice
With the birth of my second son, I wanted to focus more on character and let the financial foundation be a result of my hard work. Not knowing my birth father as a young boy, the question of who I am lingered many nights in my dreams. With my plan to avoid making the same mistake of not being present in my children’s lives, I never really gave thought to the complexity of molding a life.
With the opportunity to learn from my mistakes, I decided to not squander it. His character was the way to go. Married this time before the birth of my second son, I had a huge mountain ahead of me to fit two different households into one. Now as a father of two black boys, the worries about the type of men they’d become stayed at the forefront of my mind.
These new worries reinforced the idea that character mattered more than the opportunities to be truly successful. I had grown to believe the statement that you never know a man until he is down and out. With that principle in my mind, I fought hard to teach young boys the value of character over opportunity.
With two lives under my tutelage, I had my own growing to do and it was no small task. Confused by the many wants and desires of others, I did my best to continue fathering my sons.
A Father’s faith
A decade later and I’m still learning what is more important. Are children born with their internal dilemmas to grow from? To what degree are a father’s teachings going to help avoid those future obstacles? I have been in many circumstances that have challenged my understanding of parental responsibilities.
Are we as parents responsible for the shortcomings of our children, if so how much? The words and love we share can help steer the car so far before their inner desires take over. At some point we must relinquish authority and let the power of our teachings do their job.
Young black boys have quite a peculiar path ahead of them. Many will espouse that we live in the land of opportunity ignoring the millions of impoverished youths looking to avoid the pitfalls and desolate life of poverty. On the contrary, you have others who will die on the oppression circling the lives of those same boys. The truth will always lie somewhere in between.
In contemporary times the tools needed to navigate manhood have changed, so will the teachings of fatherhood need adjustments? Only time will tell, until then I will continue to preserve the idea that character is essential in the upbringing of young boys.
A Father’s truth
I have come to understand throughout raising my sons, that each child will require a different priority for success. Some boys are born self-sufficient and only require the opportunity to show how successful they can be.
An attentive presence and a firm structure regardless of your son’s innate nature will be a great foundation. The world has not changed much, temptation is still a hurdle. For young black boys to become successful men, fathers must take into account their role in their own life first. As men the greatest gift you can give your sons is not the teachings you share, but the life experiences they watch you overcome.
I am a firm believer that opportunity will exist regardless if your poor or rich. A man’s character will be the determining factor in how far one can take those opportunities.
It is true that many men of great character never got their chance to find fame, fortune or great achievements. That being true, they are still men of great character. A man with many opportunities will soon squander them and find himself with no foundation to pick himself up.
This is a question for much debate, however, I stand firm that a man with no character will always be a product of his circumstances.
I really enjoyed this article. As a mother of a young black boy, I think that this is definitely a good question to ask. I would say that both character and opportunity are important.
Some may feel that to give a child opportunity, you must have money, but I don’t think this is always the case. Opportunity can come in the form of knowledge and information. Taking your son to the Library to find interesting books to read instead of allowing him to play video games all day can create an “opportunity” for him to learn something he might not have otherwise learned. Teaching your son a trade can create “opportunity”. The internet is full of free information and resources to learn coding and other digital technology which is the way of the future.
Not everyone has the means to provide their children with financial opportunities, but pointing them in the right direction is FREE.
We can also help our children build character by setting good examples for them. Look forward to your next contribution.