It’s Your Seed
A deadbeat dad has just as much influence over a child as one who is present. The difference is the type of influence each will have. The distance a child may voyage to learn the world around them seems trivial to an unconcerned father. The fatherless children of the black community often travel in perilous circles for decades, searching for a path to fills a deep hole.
Plagued with poverty and absent fathers, the despair of their childhood often drowns their innocence in resentment. Reflections of self in others are often how young children gauge their own identity in the world. How can a child truly know their potential if they are discarded by the person that gave the spark to their existence? The depths of a father’s voice haunt the dreams of a child wanting love.
While the father has to be accountable for the type of that woman he chooses to reproduce with, the mother must also recognize her contribution. The father plants his seed into the security of the mother’s womb. Being responsible for the protection of his seed, a deadbeat can seem completely unconcerned with the potential damage from his absence.
A little concern
Unfortunately, many men spread their seeds carelessly across multiple gardens with no regard for the fertility of the soil. There is an understanding that women can be aggressive and uncooperative when relationships spoil. Additionally, we recognize that men are sometimes distant and uncaring for their children’s struggles. There are real concerns men face with paternity fraud. However, the man still must follow certain rules to protect his seed, whether using protection during sexual activity or confirming paternity. There is no excuse to abandon your responsibility to your seed. The conception of life is just the beginning of the process.
The Blame Game
The coldest winter can’t compare to the heart of a man knowingly abandoning his child. While it is true that there are women who lie about paternity, there are also men who deny paternity for a myriad of reasons. Regardless of who lies, the child receives the greatest brunt of the blow. Both black men and women point fingers across the aisle as to who is most at fault. The black experience is covered in confusion. Past failures negatively dictate future aspirations. The creation of innocent life has been relegated to scandal.
Fathers who lack financial, physical, and emotional contributions leave a dark cloud behind. As it hovers over the life and livelihood of both the child and the mother, trauma unfolds. Mothers who choose to lie and manipulate the paternal relationship (whether through family court or parental alienation) handicap any bond between father and child.
Why fight?
Generally speaking, the deadbeat dad is invisible in a child’s life. With a gender war advancing with unreal expectations, the term has evolved. Mothers label fathers deadbeats when their finances don’t meet their particular lifestyle ambitions. A man’s ability to provide luxury is now a means to justify degrading his fatherhood. The distortion of reality destroys the foundation a child needs for a stable sense of self.
As many fathers are chastised by the court system, they have decided relinquished any sense of duty. Jail or homelessness is a real threat to many fathers. On the contrary, the culprits who disappear are ignored due to their lack of financial, emotional, and mental maturity.
Black men have endured a gauntlet to preserve a bond with their children at the expense of their sanity. Identifying a deadbeat used to be a simple task. In the current times, there are too many gray areas that affect our ability to determine real threats. The responsibility of child development belongs to both parents. While black men and women can certainly make a case for the causes and reasons behind deadbeats, neither can deny the lasting effects.
By A Thread
There are many forms of deadbeat fatherhood, from fathers who live in the house and contribute nothing, to the man the child has never seen. The various degrees of experience can’t avoid damage to a child’s self-image. The longing for a strong and purposeful bond can lead young children down a long and treacherous path. Fatherless children often lack a certain discipline and face life with little to no confidence in themselves.
Young black men have indulged in lifestyles that have terrorized neighborhoods throughout the decades. The deterioration of the black son has seen record numbers of destruction. From the senseless murders across the nation to the continued cycle of fatherlessness.
Young black women have been led astray. Selling their body for money and attention has increased in recent years. Furthermore, the mindset of young fatherless modern women encourages destructive expectations and behaviors. Selecting a mate to help raise a child has been reduced solely to the aesthetic of physical appearance and monetary potential.
The effects of the deadbeat dad go beyond the development of a child. Socioeconomically, the black family struggles much more when a strong father’s presence is absent. Determining the damage is both obvious and nuanced in the black community. Absent fathers are the result of adults ill-prepared to make life-changing decisions. As we search for solutions that provide a stronger father’s presence in our children’s lives, I suggest we take a long look at education and emotional resources.
As young black men approach fatherhood so does the opportunity to repeat the mistakes of their fathers. I challenge both men and women to approach their negative perceptions of fatherhood with compassion.
Hold On
Deadbeat dads are never a model to emulate. Defining the term is truly in need of deeper investigation. The ability to overcome the fear of fatherhood is the first step. Developing the discipline to avoid reckless sexual behaviors will be a great tool for young black men everywhere.
Who can find the answer to such an intrusive issue in the black community? Building and supporting the development of young men is a start. Not through condescending messaging or indifferent advice to the struggle of fatherhood. The deadbeat dad dilemma may always be an issue to consider. However, we may be able to drastically reduce the number of children growing up without the guidance of a father.
In concluding this series, I say that for all the issues presented, from Baby momma culture to Black power couple dysfunction, a reinvestment into black family values is necessary. The perfect world doesn’t exist. We can create a world where the norm is healthy and productive citizens contributing to society. We should encourage deadbeat dads to contribute value to their child’s life.
Furthermore, if you find the father is unfit or unwilling, let’s do our best to find the child a strong father figure to avoid repeating the cycle.
