Respect is a valuable thing. It is something that we all want and need. It is so sought after that throughout the ages, both men and women have fought to gain the respect of others. To be sure, if I had a nickel for every time I heard the words “disrespected” or “disrespectful” used to express a person’s dissatisfaction with the way someone is treating them, I’d have thousands of dollars! However, with all the hoopla around respect, there is a form of respect that often goes unattended. Self-respect.
What is Self-Respect?
Think about a person that you have respect for, what qualities do they possess? Perhaps they are a parent, a grandparent, a mentor, or even a celebrity figure. The word respect can take on various meanings. For the sake of this article, I will define respect using the Oxford Learner’s Dictionary, which defines it as “a strong feeling of approval of somebody/something because of their good qualities or achievements.”
Therefore, self-respect is a strong feeling of approval for YOURSELF, because of YOUR good qualities or achievements. When you respect someone you see that person as valuable. So too, when you have self-respect, you see yourself as valuable.
How Self-Respect is Lost
Every one of us has a core value system. These core values may initially be shaped by religious beliefs or family traditions. However, as we mature, we begin to develop our own set of values, which may differ from those we grew up with.
When our actions do not align with our core values, our conscience begins to punish us. This may cause our self-respect to decline.
The Teen Years: Value Wars
During our teenage years, our level of self-respect and self-esteem may experience drastic changes as we battle between our values and the influences of our peers. Unfortunately, many young people may begin to erode their self-respect before they have developed a solid sense of who they are. For this reason, parents need to create boundaries and rules to guide and protect their children during these formative years.
Adulthood: Making Choices, Facing Consequences
Becoming an adult presents its challenges. We go out into the world and begin making decisions that will impact our future. We decide whether to marry or stay single, whether to have children or remain child-free, and we make a host of decisions about education, finances, and careers. Even with the best intentions, we may not always choose the best path. If we find ourselves reaping the negative effects of uninformed or bad choices, our self-respect may experience a blow.
The Later Years: Reflection and Regret
As we age, we may begin to look back on our lives with regret. Perhaps you didn’t finish that degree you started, or you cannot retire because you didn’t save or invest enough. Perhaps you have experienced a divorce or other life setback. In middle age, many people may feel that if they haven’t reached certain milestones they have failed. This feeling of falling short can lead to guilt and a decrease in self-worth.
Regaining Self-Respect
Since our self-respect is tied to our actions, we have a great deal of control over it. It is much easier to maintain your self-respect than it is to replenish it once it is lost. However, if you find that you have made some life choices that make it difficult for you to value yourself, there are steps you can take to regain your feeling of self-worth.
Forgive yourself
The first step in regaining your self-respect is to forgive yourself for whatever has caused you to feel negative. Perfection does not exist. You will never make the right choice 100% of the time, so you must be able to forgive yourself when you let yourself down. Although you cannot change the choices you have made in your past, you can still learn from them. Even if it is too late to make up for them, you can find peace in your ability to teach your children or others how to avoid the same mistakes you may have made.
Stop and change direction
If your feeling of self-worth is being depleted due to everyday life choices, then it’s time to make a change. Sometimes, this means changing your surroundings. You may need to remove certain friends or family members from your life. You might even consider changing jobs or relocating to completely detach from influences that push you off track from your values.
Once you have made the necessary changes in your life, it will be much easier to forgive yourself and move forward. The more you move towards being the person you want to be, the better you will feel about yourself.
Avoid comparing yourself to others
Social media can be a great way to stay connected, but it can also mess with our ability to maintain a healthy sense of self. As we have already discussed, self-respect is linked to our personal values and beliefs. Spending too much time scrolling through social media can make it tough to see the line between what we believe in and what everyone else seems to be about.
Sometimes, we might unknowingly lower our standards to fit in. Other times, we set unrealistic goals based on what we see online. This disconnect between our inner values and the pressure of social media can chip away at our self-respect, leaving us feeling lost and unsure of who we truly are.
Taking a break or removing yourself from social media altogether may be the exact thing you need to make positive changes and stay on a course that makes you feel proud of who you are.
Make Each Day a Goal
Every morning, we wake up with a fresh start. It’s a brand new opportunity to live in a way that reflects your core values. Set a goal to make each day something you can be proud of. If you can go to bed each night feeling good about your choices and actions, your self-respect will naturally grow stronger with each passing day.
