The human experience is both complex and subtle. As a black man in the land of the free and the brave, I often feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Am I assessing challenges and threats effectively? The depths traveled to find clarity can be quite exhausting but rewarding. The constant desire to disprove or challenge the status quo can detour the true nature of character development.
Who am I
The makeup of man is usually determined by various factors. Family, traditions, environment, and experiences tend to shape one’s worldview. I’ve looked to avoid the truth that my tribal instincts are naturally biased against perceived threats. Being a young black man in modern times is quite a social dilemma. While the physical restraints of the past have long been broken, the mental and emotional ambiguity still lingers.
Community affairs are usually torn between hope and faith. Many hope things will get better, while others walk in faith. I have struggled daily with the latter. Taking the risk to struggle towards my true potential has fractured a lot of relationships, friends and family. Unguided potential can be just a dangerous as a fire.
I have often felt hogtied in many ways in the journey to transcend beyond the status quo. Some of the obstacles have been self-imposed, others were cultural or genetic. With uncertainty hovering above like a dark cloud, I wonder how are future generations of young black men to excel beyond stereotypes or tokenism?
Educators will present education as the solution. Professionals will suggest that career-driven people are the future. Blue-collar workers believe hard work will solve all the issues plaguing the black community. I have a slightly different approach. It is my opinion that the community suffers from an identity crisis. Are we just products of our environment or are we more? Do we excel with resources only, or do we need something more?
What is my purpose
Living in communities that are stuck in the quicksand of image and status, progress feels like shackles against my ankles. Who has the most, who can spend the most, and so on. In this series I’ve explored the idea of masculinity and how one can define masculinity for themselves. The next logical step in defining masculinity would be what actions your masculinity engages in to produce a honorable manhood.
Your manhood is the result of putting your masculine principles into practice. In my early teenage years, having little clarity on my masculine principles, it was a foregone conclusion that my manhood would contribute minimally to my community. Survival and my pain were the main priorities. The thoughts and feelings of a man will guide him in his life’s work. So I began to reflect on the depths of my gifts and talents, as well as my darker side.
It is very possible to deceive others for a while, but you can never truly manipulate yourself. The work needed to improve the general view of the black man starts with each individual looking long and hard into what they define as masculine. Once a genuine search has been completed, collective minds can find a solution to empowering their communities. It has taken me three decades to grasp the concept for myself.
When will I know
The heart of any issue usually requires the simplest answer. Young black men are at war against themselves, trying to determine who is the most manly. The choices I’ve made were often the result of lacking fatherly love, knowledge, or concern for the repercussions of my actions. Yes it is true we only live once, however, we can all live beyond our death in the legacies we leave behind.
My manhood is judged by the actions and responsibilities I assume throughout life. My masculinity is perceived through my thoughts and emotions shared with others. My actions create positive or negative reactions, and learning to accept that helped me solidify my sense of self. The capacity to acknowledge the weight one must carry in order to be considered a man, is scary if unprepared.
Having the courage to be accountable to righteousness is a trait not every is born with. Though that may be the case, we can learn to reach heights that display our masculinity in the most exceptional light.
I learned not to define my manhood through the wealth accumulated, or the women I’ve conquered. The greatness of man begins long before he has compiled riches or a trail of broken hearts. Desire is often reflective of your hearts truth. If I can be honest with the faults of my desires than I am capable of pushing back against the destruction it can cause. Furthermore, if I know the depths of my heart then I can journey the path to its fruitful destination.
Choices vs Consequence
Accepting that as a man you win and lose, helps me remain strong in my masculinity. Taking accountability for my choices only strengthen my manhood to contribute to a more valuable experience. The hardest part of manhood will be the lack of appreciation for your efforts. Learning to accept the value of truth over validation is a journey in itself.
I’ve looked deep within myself, and discovered that the good I do is not for the recognition of others. To be pleased with doing the right thing is a greater reward. When faced with indecisiveness, I must accept the results all the same. Masculinity can be expressed many ways, I’ve come to learn there first must exist a solid foundation.
Recognizing the difference between masculinity and manhood has helped this young black man to make better choices to achieve greater heights. It has also given me the tools to recognize when I need to evaluate the actions, thoughts, and feelings I choose to engage.
Remember, your masculinity is the thoughts and feelings you hold to be truth. Those thoughts and feelings generate actions that will be judged. Right or wrong, they belong to you. If you are looking to contribute to your community in a big or small way, don’t be afraid to dive deep into the ideals you hold.
In closing, your manhood is the fruit of your masculine tree. The responsibilities you choose to ignore or the work you’d rather avoid will result in ultimate failure. Nurturing your masculine frame will only strengthen the manhood you seek.
