Much like anything in life, masculinity has its prerequisites to determining its presence. Over the years and much hardship, I have devised 10 ways for young black men to discover the idea of masculinity. Its structure is vital to building the next generations of leaders.
1. Seek value not volume
A man who has a single dollar bill is no more valuable than a man with a roll of a hundred pennies. The only difference is how they carry their respective possessions. To truly find the masculine energy within one’s self, one must recognize what drives and motivates you to action. Some are inspired by status, power, finances, and others by love, family, and freedom. To truly discover your most masculine state you cannot ignore the power of finding value before accumulating possession. I have learned that knowing what holds value to you provides undeniable confidence when in the pursuit of your life’s purpose.
2. Accept defeat not denial
A man who cannot accept defeat is wildly dangerous. To deny one’s shortcomings is to discount the potential to excel beyond one’s limits. Defeat isn’t death, but rather a room with many lessons. However, denial is a prison that no one can pardon you from. Behind the curtain of the ego lies a man’s greatest attributes. I can only be as tall as I stand on my own feet. The allure of another’s victory does not provide you with clarity. The constant urge to overlook one’s weakness will hinder the potential to reach true greatness within.
3. Stand do not lean
I have often heard the whispers “I’d rather die on my feet than live on my knees!” I wondered if masculine energy had any room for negotiation. It is my anecdotal opinion that death is never a greater prize than life. While a man’s dignity is closely tied to his masculinity, so is his desire to combat vulnerability. Asking for a helping hand to return to your feet, is not a sign of weakness but a realization of circumstances. Living with honor and humility is much more impressive than dying for principles that change with age. Dying with honor is worthy of righteous cause, yet we must first truly accept that righteousness doesn’t live in every circumstance.
4. Face challenges
The primitive brain will always search for the best path to self-preservation. The greatest threat to your life is the ability to recognize how to listen to your inner primate. The heart of failure is not preparedness or knowledge, but rather the ability to comprehend one’s skills and abilities. The mirror will be your greatest ally in victory and your greatest enemy in failure. There isn’t any loss of dignity when accepting you are not yet ready to overcome an obstacle. The loss is greater when going to battle with unearned confidence through self-manipulation. Recognizing where you are and where you want to go will be the first step in the journey to excellence.
5. Remain a student
As you age, your skills and knowledge should accumulate as well. Your abilities will reach an apex, and you must find new ways to stay sharp. “An old fool was once a young fool,” or so I’ve heard. The motivation to stay in front of the class is a lifetime battle. Building foundations for the descendants of your lineage requires an effort beyond just being victorious. The hope of providing an easy life for your offspring only ensures their obstacles in life will cause more strife. The root of your ascension to victory may not be the same for the leaves that fall from your branches. The more you learn the more you can share.
6. Proclaim truth not trends
The hardest thing you’ll face in maintaining your masculine state is the pressure to follow others. The desire to assimilate into our peers drives a young man to a dicey decision or two. The hiccups of life will always be the learning blocks from which your masculinity molds itself. The greater the pit you fall into the greater the opportunity to dig deeper. The tools needed to see your way may vary depending on the mountain you climb. Having to discern the messages you entertain and follow will have a great impact on your ability to maintain your masculine frame.
7. Recognize Honor & Humility are different
You must know that your humbleness will not be honored always by others. Furthermore, your honor will not be perceived as humility. Attempting to please everyone will leave a trail of scars and broken dreams, and fill your mind with regret. Knowing when to choose to be honorable or humble requires that you embody an awareness of self, environment, and others. Your choice is only a product of what you value in yourself and life. Without an adequate fear of being wrong, you’ll choose one or the other based on impulse and not foresight.
8. Practice self-evaluation
Success is a great feeling in any aspect of life, just as failure is a terrible feeling. The apex of your masculinity will challenge itself to stay in the truth. The dilemma is that it’s hard to see any error in the successes you accomplish and to see very little good in your failures. The further you dig into the foundation without destroying its core, the more you see the nooks and crannies that can be reassuring in failure. Furthermore, the more you explore, the greater your understanding of how the fleeting feelings of success can lead to self-destructive habits.
9. Tears not tantrums
Life isn’t fair, the lion eats the gazelle and the ants chow down on scorpions. Does your circumstance merit you any favor? There’ll be significant losses, should you then decide that you are owed the right to turn into a thoughtless beast. The greatness of a man is truly shown in his attempt to redeem himself for the hardships faced. Aching hearts and watered pupils do not destroy your masculinity, but test the fortitude of its existence. Your masculine state will constantly be tested. You will undoubtedly stumble to maintain along the way. It is most important to remember your recovery will be determined by your efforts.
10. Wash, Rinse, Repeat
Just when you think you’re in your most masculine state, you have only reached the basement of the next level. The hardest part of growth is knowing when it’s time to follow and let go of the reigns. If you always remember to go back over the steps that have brought you success, the fundamentals will carry you beyond any expectation. The drive to be your most excellent version will lead you to several road bumps and detours throughout your journey. Life may knock you back to square one without any support or notice. If you remember the first step, then you can always get back to your apex masculine state.
