Indulging in the taboos brings such exciting thrills to your life. Skydiving, running with the bulls, and even swimming with sharks can bring fulfillment to your existence. What if you went skydiving 365 days out of the year? Or ran with the bulls twice a week? That sounds more like an occupation with the potential for serious hazard pay. Once the thrill is gone, those same taboos create an awkward reality. Standing in the rain without an umbrella isn’t the best way to stay dry.
Friendship is like the thrills you chase, experiencing distinct realities with every moment.
Growing up in the same neighborhood with the same outlook is a memorable time for one’s adolescence. Snowball fights during winter break. Friday night videogame binge sessions fuel the bond between friends. Dreams of being the next global music icon. Feeding the imagination of like-minded individuals allows friendships to blossom. As the seconds on the clock tick away, the world seems to shrink. The jokes that once made your side hurt now barely get a chuckle. What is happening? This world you once swore to love forever is dying. Dreams and goals start to take a different form, and you begin to see less and less of your comrades.
Friday night club hopping begins to lose its flare, and you’d rather stay home and rest. Slowly you notice your group of friends shifting. The circle now has introduced some new faces. A promising career is on the horizon. Wanting to make the most of your opportunity, you go into hibernation.
First, it starts with a missed phone call, then a missed party or two. Soon a pattern takes hold that’s clearly visible to all your friends. “You’ve changed, your not the same!” They tease you jokingly, trying to influence you to break your routine and have some fun. “All work and no play makes life dull.” They whisper into your ear with their alcohol-laden breath.
You’ve made up your mind! Building a solid foundation for your future family is now the priority. The jokes start to become more intense and seemingly indirect insults. Their tone vibrates with such force and authority, and you begin to feel conflicted.
You decide to break your routine, and you hang out at the local club and drink more than a few beers past midnight with your best friends. As the music fades and the laughter dies down, the weight of the morning routine weighs heavily upon your shoulders.
The repetitive bell sound keeps blaring into your subconscienous. Your head pulsates from the night before, and your eyes try to escape the sunlight. A hangover, you haven’t had one of those in a while. It was fun to hang out with the crew. You pour a large cup of coffee and you get to work on that project that’s due Monday.
Your phone rings, it’s your friends again reminding you that it’s Saturday and you can do the project on Sunday.
Recollecting the night before and all the excitement, you get dressed and head toward the gathering. Spending money, and enjoying music and drinks it feels good to have some fun. It’s almost midnight and you need to get home to rest, but the good times are rolling and no one wants to be labeled a sour puss.
You hang out way into the morning, dancing and laughing. Time to head home and get some work done.
Upon arriving home you realized you had an early morning video conference with your co-worker on Saturday to complete the team project.
Nervously, you call your co-worker and no answer. Frantically, you email and continue to call until finally they answer annoyed by the sound of your voice. “Hello!” They say. Though it was one word it represented many.
The conversation drags as your co-worker has to catch you up in order to have the project completed.
You are now cutting into their Sunday plans. You spend the rest of the time apologizing and asking for understanding.
When asked what happened, you state some old friends decided to catch up and things got out of hand.
It was one time, so the co-worker shows understanding.
The very next weekend your phone rings again, and now the expectation has been set and your regular routine is too stiff.
This time you were expected to cover for another co-worker and come in Saturday afternoon. Your hangover keeps you in bed until midday.
Your alarm becomes more aggressive with every ring. You jump from your slumber disoriented, and late for your shift.
“How am I going to explain this?” You ask yourself.
“No partying unless I have some free time!” You scold yourself.
It’s the first time you were late for a shift so the supervisors shows leniency.
It’s Friday again, and your phone rings. You dread answering it, so you go into airplane mode.
Waking up Saturday morning to numerous messages from your friends and their slick comments and slights.
Feeling conflicted again, you question yourself. Will you go to the party or focus on work? Where do you find balance?
Afraid to risk your employment, you go months declining your friends’ invitations to party.
Six months later, you receive a promotion to senior management. You want to hang out, but now your friends have returned the snub.
Confused by the attitude, you continue to focus on work.
It’s a nice clear Saturday afternoon, and you go grocery shopping at the local market. Who do you see at your favorite lounge having lunch?
All your friends are laughing and joking together.
“Hey?” You shout as you make your way over to their table.
Sighs and deep breaths are how they greet you.
Baffled, you ignore the attempt to make you feel bad and join in.
“We were just getting ready to leave.” Says one friend
“Don’t you have some work to do? Snicker’s another.
Slighted and ostracized, you smile and walk away.
The friends you grew up with now seem to resent your current success, or do they feel that you don’t care about spending time with them anymore? What do you do?
Is it worth it to have the emotional pull and tug every time you need to focus on building your career?
If they are friends, why are they not happy with my success?
The mental and emotional struggle last weeks before you decide to call anyone.
Finally, one friend calls you and says, “We know you want to be successful and all, but what about having time for people who matter too?”
“If you guys were my friends, then understand my position?” I responded with authority.
Then as the awkward silence grew louder, you eventually just hang up the phone and go about your day.
Sitting at your breakfast table you contemplate the meaning of friendship, and why is it different in adulthood than in childhood.
Searching your brain for the answers, all you can find is, “I’ve outgrown my friends, what does that mean?”
As you ascend towards your goals, some things will wither from your line of sight. As we should always make attempts to nurture the bonds we have, we can not delay our glory or destiny waiting for others to accept it. The hardest thing in life is to serve two masters at once. You will love one and resent the other.
True friendship will be tested in life. Some tests happen early, while some happen later.
Discovering if a friendship will last forever, will require a lifetime to journey.
Debating on the principle of the decisions you make will give you the ability to stand by those choices. Everyone will not agree with the method, but a friend who carries their own weight will respect the differences you share.
Life is a long and sometimes confusing road. The best solution is to remain true to what is right and righteous.
In doing so, the friends you keep or lose will reflect the values and journey of your life.
