The greatest gift someone can offer is the gift of forgiveness. For an individual to practice mercy over wrath is believed to be divine. What are some motivating factors in determining how much a person can forgive? Is it the length of a relationship, or is it heavily dependent upon upbringing? The deeper you dive into one’s past the more you can recognize why an individual chooses the type of relationship they cultivate with forgiveness.
On the contrary, is the greatest gift one can offer themselves is the gift of retaliation? Avenging whatever wrongs another has done to you, is the ultimate triumph. Faced with accepting disrespect or returning the favor most people would choose to exact the same favor. Deep in the bones of man, there are built-in defense mechanisms, are we to deny them their due?
I dare to ask the question is forgiveness or retaliation truly as it seems?
The black experience post-slavery has been flooded with this dilemma of which action is best. The barriers to experience are often solidified by the constant messaging through media (Social media, t.v, radio, and family dinners). Divine peace for many is determined by their internal desire, a path with many hurdles. As a culture, the division only stagnates the ability to recognize the power of both.
In modern-day life, this skill is proving more valuable than ever.
On The Fence
The release of one’s frustration is the goal of forgiveness or retaliation. Being the victim of another’s action can cause quite the internal battle for relief. It is easy to tout forgiveness as a pathway to free one’s self from the weight of the pain caused by a particular action. On the other hand, retaliation is frowned upon as an immature impulse.
Biblically there is a limit to how much forgiveness you are expected to show. At some point, forgiveness loses divinity.
Having been stigmatized with such a dark perspective, retaliation may have very little chance of being seen differently. Forgiving someone who has continued to wrong you could diminish one’s self-confidence, and ability to truly process when to forgive. Many relationships dealing with domestic abuse are examples of this.
Retaliation doesn’t have to express itself in the form of payback or vengeance. The idea of choosing to rebuild what others have destroyed is an act that could be viewed as a positive and mature form of retaliation. Distinguishing one’s emotional state is also a great way to recognize which action is best.
The Art of Self-Care
Learning your boundaries allows one to appreciate the growth needed to protect and enforce those parameters. Once you’ve discovered what you can forgive, and what heats your furnace, you can begin your journey of self-care. The black experience is divided on this topic and has been for a long time.
Some see forgiveness as a weakness, while others see retaliation as primitive. The truth lies somewhere in between. Balance, in most cases, is just a cliche people choose to avoid the honesty of facing their reflection.
In my opinion, it is best to follow the path of discernment. Living with your decision provides greater access to healing whatever wrong you have to reconcile with. Ignoring the subtle and complicated signs of truth keeps most spiraling into a state of confusion.
Mastering the Art
Deciding to forgive someone will require that you accept all that has happened and move on. On the contrary, should you choose retaliation, you’ll have to deal with all the fallout of your actions. The cycle of experience will always have room for growth.
Regardless of your choice, it is prudent you are aware of the need for self-reflection. To truly master the art of self-care, one must first know the tools.
Forgiveness is a tool used to sharpen self-evaluation. Retaliation is a tool used to strengthen self-preservation.
Choose your tools wisely!
