I have very vivid childhood memories of my siblings being “whooped” by my mother. Belts to the butt, tree branches to the arms and legs, and the “natural comb” to the hand all paled compared to the welts left behind by the telephone extension cords.
These forms of discipline left not only physical scars but emotional ones as well. It is difficult to get my older siblings to talk about my mother, but when they do the conversation is often filled with painful memories. By time I was born, my mother was very deep into her Christian relgion, so I was spared from the worst beatings. Furthermore, as the second to youngest, I learned to be “good” to avoid the pain I witnessed my older siblings go through.
My mother was not a terrible person and I don’t feel negatively towards her because of the way we were raised. I firmly believe that she disciplined us the way she was taught. However, looking back, I can see that these experiences left a lasting impact on us.
When I had children, I didn’t know exactly how to discipline them, but I knew I never wanted them to experience what my siblings and I went through.
What is Physical Abuse, and Why is it Harmful?
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network says that “abuse occurs when a parent or caregiver commits an act that results in physical injury to a child or adolescent, such as red marks, cuts, welts, bruises, muscle sprains, or broken bones, even if the injury was unintentional.”
An abused child suffers many adverse effects on their personality. An abused child may suffer a loss of self-confidence, depression, and anxiety. They may become distrustful of authority or people in general and, as a result, may have difficulty developing and maintaining friendships.
Learning a New Way
During my early years of motherhood, I stumbled across a television show called Supernanny. The Nanny, Jo Frost, was like the dog whisperer of out-of-control toddlers. On the show, she would come to the rescue of families to show them new ways to discipline their children. The method she used most often was the “timeout” method.
Watch Full Episodes of Supernanny
In Black households, we often refer to timeout as something that “white people” do. We have been raised to believe that the only form of discipline that works involves using “the rod.” However, the use of timeout was not foreign to me. My mother also used this method on occasion.
Due to my preconceived notions about “timeout,” I was very skeptical when I first watched the show. However, I was open-minded and receptive to being taught something different. As I continued to tune in, I noticed that, inevitably, the timeout method worked. My children were probably ages 2 and 3 at that time—the perfect guinea pigs to practice my newfound form of discipline.
So, I began to put the timeout method into practice, and to my surprise, it worked!
I have consistently used the timeout method to discipline my children, and I have always received compliments on how well-behaved they are when we go out in public places. Admittedly, there have been a handful of times over the past 15 years where I have resorted to spankings on the butt because of the severity of certain wrongdoings. However, I firmly believe that timeout is a much more effective and loving form of discipline.
My two oldest children are now teenagers, and I have supplemented timeouts by taking away privileges or electronic devices.
Summary
Research shows that “spanking is linked with worse, not better, behavior.”
Looking honestly at our communities, you will see the harmful effects of child abuse on full display.
Those who have suffered abuse as children often go on to abuse themselves – whether it be their children or significant other. We must understand that the decisions we make within our households can impact the community as a whole.
I encourage anyone raised in a household where abuse was disguised as a form of discipline to break the cycle for their children. Research and discover new ways of discipline that will not cause emotional and physical harm.
It is not always easy to raise an unbroken child if you have been a broken child, but we must continue to try our best to make changes for the betterment of our children and communities.
If you are suffering from abuse, you can call the National Domestic ViolenceHotlinee at 1-800-799-SAFE.
