As I look back on my teenage years, I realize that I never desired to have children. My desire was for marriage. It appeared to me that having children was a natural part of marriage. So, I found myself expecting to have children to complete my family.
My husband and I became pregnant with our first child shortly after marriage. Once my daughter was born, I realized that I was severely unequipped as a mother.
In this article, I will share the things that I wish someone had told me before I had kids.
No. 1 – Pregnancy is not always enjoyable
I know that there are women who will disagree with this statement. However, I believe many women will understand what I mean.
Before I became pregnant, I had an image in my head of what pregnancy looked like. I would remain a size 4 and flaunt my baby bump in my beautiful maternity outfits. Well, this was not the case for me. I gained weight pretty quickly after getting pregnant. My poor eating habits had finally caught up with me.
I experienced normal morning sickness that went away after several weeks. However, relief never comes for some women suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum ( an illness that creates constant morning sickness).
You see, no one tells you that you might be sick during your entire pregnancy and might loath the whole experience.
No. 2 – Your lower regions may never look the same
Perhaps this is too much information. Still, as adults, I think we can talk about things no one likes to talk about.
I am not a vain person. My body is imperfect, and I accept that. However, I would have appreciated a heads-up about the change pregnancy would cause to my vaginal area.
It has never quite had the same look that it had before.
It makes sense that there might be some damage after stretching a 7 pound being out of there, but no one told me that I might not like what I see anymore.
The good news is that my husband doesn’t seem to mind!
No. 3 – You will not sleep well for months
We all know that babies cry. Some of us have seen our young nieces or nephews crying. At times we may even notice when a perfect stranger can’t seem to “get their child under control.” Nonetheless, these experiences seem to escape us when we decide to have children.
Caring for a baby means that you will have to get up multiple times during the middle of the night. Sleep is almost non-existent. The minute you seem to fall asleep, you begin to hear the cries all over again.
If you enjoy having your sleep interrupted every few hours, then you are the perfect candidate for motherhood. However, many women may find this part of the experience unbearable.
For most women, newborn crying comes in short spurts. However, if you find yourself the mother of a child with Colic, the crying may be constant throughout the day.
No. 4 – Children are extremely expensive
Children begin costing you money even before they are born, but the wake-up call comes when you get your first bill from the hospital after giving birth.
Even with insurance, a normal birth will set you back about $2,000 to $5,000. This cost increases if you have complications.
The cost of diapers and formula will set you back in the early years. Even after your child begins eating table food, you will notice an increase in snack costs (hopefully healthy ones!).
Then there is the cost of toys they will destroy, family vacations they will never remember, and clothes. Children grow out of their clothes very quickly, unlike adults, who can wear the same outfit for years. Plan to spend hundreds of dollars each year on new clothes.
As your children enter the teenage years, you may see increased costs for their entertainment “wants.” The latest tech gadgets or new cell phones. Then they begin to drive, and your insurance costs skyrocket!
The cost of having even one child can be financially burdensome for many new parents, and it may not end until after they have graduated from college.
No. 5 – You should be financially secure before having children
This advice goes against most of what we see in our environments. Many people in poor black communities have multiple children, despite their circumstances.
If you do not ensure your financial security before having children, you will find yourself playing catch up while raising them.
Raising a child is stressful enough without the added pressure of figuring out how you will care for them.
This pressure can harm your own mental and emotional health and ultimately affect your child’s mental and emotional well-being.
No. 5 – Babies grow up
Okay, yes. We know this, right? Surely, we are not so dense as teenagers that we forget that babies will not always be babies.
As surprising as it may be, I don’t think that many young people consider whether or not they will enjoy raising teenagers. When we think about having children, we think about the cute, cuddly babies. We forget that our babies will eventually turn into us!
Of course, I knew this somewhere in the back of my mind, but I wish someone would have laid it out for me in plain terms.
Conclusion
The purpose of this article is to inform you of the things you should consider before having children. Ultimately, the decision to have children is a personal one. It is something that you and your significant other should discuss very early in the relationship.
You should weigh the pros and cons of having children and decide whether or not it fits into your lifestyle.
Additionally, if you are thinking about having children, I would strongly suggest babysitting a child. But, not for a few hours. Allow your niece, nephew, or close friend’s children to stay with you for a weekend. A few overnight sitting sessions will give you a more realistic view of parenthood.
