Growing up, my mother never opened our household up to guests so holidays and family get-togethers were spent with my parents and 3 younger sisters. I can count on one hand how many times we had big family gatherings that included extended family. When I met my husband, I received a major culture shock – all of our holidays in the beginning of our relationship overwhelmed me. He was used to house hopping for Thanksgiving or having family, friends, and even his siblings in-laws over for Christmas. We quickly learned that we needed to create our own family traditions that incorporated my need for celebrating with my immediate household and compromised on which holidays we would open up for his family. The union of marriage is not only a sacred bond between husband and wife; it can also be the catalyst for learning one anothers upbringing and personal family values. Here are 3 ways you can develop traditions with your spouse.
Discuss your upbringing and find a middle ground for developing a new tradition
As I got older, I grew estranged from my family but it was ingrained in my mind to maintain small gatherings with my household for most, if not all holidays. Understandably, this caused some friction in the early days with my husband because his view on holiday gatherings included being surrounded with immediate and distant family as much as possible.
We argued about how we would spend our first Thanksgiving. Being around too many people causes me anxiety and I don’t care to spend more time than I have to with other people. However, family is everything for him and he’s so closely knit with them that not spending all of our holidays with them would break his heart. So we compromised. We would alternate yearly by spending some holidays alone and others with his family and friends.
Example: On Christmas, we dedicate most of the day to our family of 6 and visit his family towards the later half of the day. It’s a win-win situation as we formed this tradition together that focuses on our immediate household and his generational family values.
Become the matriarch
In the beginning of your marriage, you have the unique opportunity to begin the journey of becoming the new “glue” of your family’s nucleus. Developing new sets of traditions will not only set the tone for your union – it opens the doors for you to create lasting family traditions for your future grandkids and their families.
Traditions are what brings families together and matriarchs are often the glue that bond generations. In the black community, most of us know too well how easy it is for the family to crumble once the matriarch is gone. It is so important to choose to become the torch holder of maintaining family traditions if a strong family bond is important to you and your spouse. Without a matriarch, traditions can easily die as the kids get older and everyone starts to develop their own individual interests that may not always include the family.
Breathe life and intention into your new family traditions
Capturing memories and spending time with family is the core behind developing traditions so make it a point let the creativity and vibes flow. Traditions don’t begin and end with holidays.
Here are more ways to develop a close family bond:
- Eat dinner together.
- Have a monthly movie night.
- Commit to a family game night at least once a month.
- Create a family holiday that is independent from birthdays or typical holidays.
These small rituals are guaranteed to build a strong family bond that will create endless memories. Being intentional and creative doesn’t have to take excessive amounts of effort as you can see – traditions are a love based action that shows your commitment to maintain a strong family structure. Don’t overcomplicate the process!
Remember, creating a new tradition does not have to be hard. Developing new family habits should be an organically flowing concept and one that opens the door of love, light and laughter. Make memories. Enjoy the company you invite and keep the family as close as you can for as long as you can.
